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There is not a lot I regret, but I would give anything to change what I've said and done after opening that box.

I'm so sorry I hurt all of you. So sorry. If there is anything at all I can do to make things better, no matter what, I will do it. I... I can't bear the thought of losing you as my friends.

Again, I'm so sorry.



Rhys? There is something you should know. Please stay home tonight so we can talk? Dwi'n dy garu di.

Gwen

Comments

( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
toshtosh
Jul. 28th, 2008 03:40 pm (UTC)
(Private to Gwen)
Oh Gwen, I'm so sorry too. We... we really weren't ourselves. I know that wasn't our Gwen, the Gwen we... I... know and love.

And... I hope... I hope you know I would never do and say the things I did...
cooper_gwen
Jul. 29th, 2008 05:31 pm (UTC)
Re: (Private to Gwen)
Oh, Tosh. I know. Of course I know. You're one of the most warm-hearted people I know and under normal circumstances you would never... well, you know what I mean. We were all off our bloody trolleys.

And I'm so relieved to hear you say you know I'm not like that either. I would never hurt you or any of the others. I'm so ashamed of my actions and my thoughts.

Just... let's go grab a pint some time this week? Have a laugh? God knows we need it after all of this.
toshtosh
Jul. 29th, 2008 05:35 pm (UTC)
(Private to Gwen)
Absolutely.
coffeekingianto
Jul. 28th, 2008 04:17 pm (UTC)
I'm the one who should be sorry, Gwen. And I am, for what little it's worth. So very, very sorry.
cooper_gwen
Jul. 29th, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
Please, try not to feel responsible for everything. I know it's bloody hard not to. I... haven't entirely figured out yet how to do it myself, but what has happened is not your fault. We were all fools opening that box without precautions.
coffeekingianto
Jul. 29th, 2008 08:49 pm (UTC)
I'm still sorry.
cooper_gwen
Jul. 30th, 2008 11:25 am (UTC)
Paid becso, cariad.
j_harkness11
Jul. 29th, 2008 10:21 pm (UTC)
(Private to Gwen)
You know you're not at fault for anything you did while you were under the influence. I know that doesn't make anything better, but we all know it, and I don't think a single person holds you at fault.

If you ever need to talk, or if you just need a hug, you know I'm here for you.
cooper_gwen
Jul. 30th, 2008 11:37 am (UTC)
Re: (Private to Jack)
I know, but knowing it and feeling it are two different things entirely. You... you know I would never try to come between you and Ianto, right?


Oh, and Jack? Thank you for not hating me.
j_harkness11
Aug. 3rd, 2008 01:44 am (UTC)
Re: (Private to Gwen)
I know. But I think it's important to hear me say it. And I know it. I knew it when it was happening. If I thought it would've made things better, I would've stopped it, you know that. As it was, it happened, and I have you both safe, and that's all I care about, Gwen.

Gwen, I would never hate you. Never. I get angry at you sometimes, you know that. But now is not one of those times. You're one of my best friends, and I know you wouldn't've done any of it if you'd had a choice. I love you, and I know you better than that.
cooper_gwen
Aug. 6th, 2008 11:21 am (UTC)
Private to Jack
Thank you. Again. You have no idea how much it means to me to know that things between us haven't changed. I was so frightened it would.

I know you would have. Rationally I do, but my heart is still saying something different. I'll... try to ignore it.

We've had out fair share of conflicts and, being as stubborn as we both are, I bet there will be many more in the future, but we usually only argue about work. I'm so glad this won't lead to a more personal quarrel. Very glad.

I love you, too, Jack. You and Ianto both. Always.
j_harkness11
Aug. 24th, 2008 11:06 am (UTC)
Private to Gwen
Always, lady.

Some species say that the true weakness of the human race are our emotions. In some cases, like this, some might think they're right. But they're not, Gwen. Your feeling of guilt? It's what makes you human, and what makes you a good person. I'd be more worried if everyone acted as if nothing was wrong at all. Even Owen and Hugh are awkward and unsure about the whole thing ... I chose my team well.

I know better than to mistake what was happening to you all as real decisions. You were robbed of your ability to choose by the gas, and it isn't your fault. But I also know it's hard not to feel otherwise. It's cyclical, really, but believe it or not, it's the truest feeling of being human. Savor it.

I just hope we can move on and still work together as a team after this. I'm ... I'm really worried, Gwen. I mean ... Ianto ... I'm worried about him. The others are having problems, but they're all finding ways to cope slowly. But Ian ...

Edited at 2008-08-24 11:06 am (UTC)
cooper_gwen
Aug. 24th, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)
Private to Jack
Hmm. I think I'll just have to believe you then, won't I? It's not a big comfort, but you're right about it keeping us human. And you know, sometimes I do feel like our emotions are a weakness. Sometimes I... don't have the strength to do what's right because my feelings prevent me from making a hard decision. I might want to kick your arse for it every now and then, but I do admire you for being able to deal with the rough stuff.

I know, Jack. I'm worried, too. It must be even harder for you, to watch him beat himself up over this. I don't think he'll listen to us if we tell him that there's no need for him to do so, right? I love Ianto like a little brother, but his stubbornness drives me insane at times. If there's anything I can do to help, no matter what, do let me know. I don't mind looking after Bron for a weekend if you and him need some time away from it all.

Oh, and Jack? If you want to unburden, I'm right here. Don't be afraid to reach out if you need someone. You're our Captain, but you don't always have to be the strong one, especially after working hours. You don't have to carry all of this alone, okay?
j_harkness11
Sep. 1st, 2008 04:47 pm (UTC)
Private to Gwen
Yup, you will. And trust me, your emotions are what often make you the team's most valuable asset. Sometimes I feel like that ability I have to separate the emotion from everything ... well, let's just say that there are times I've been called some nasty names that I wouldn't deny might be half right.

Thanks, Gwen. It's hard, but I'm not really sure what else we can do. Unfortunately, I think the only person who can really help Ianto is Ianto himself. I think that for now Gethin and I are gonna try to coax him from his shell little by little. But I might take you up on that babysitting offer at some point ...

I appreciate that. Maybe sometime in the nearer future. We haven't grabbed a drink just you and me in a while ...
cocky_cockney
Jul. 30th, 2008 12:56 am (UTC)
So long as you never wear that dress again, all will be forgiven. That's what you should really be apologisin for.
cooper_gwen
Jul. 30th, 2008 11:28 am (UTC)
I was planning on burning that dress, but now I know how much you hate it I might actually wear it again. :P
cocky_cockney
Jul. 30th, 2008 11:34 am (UTC)
You wear it again, and I'm gonna have to be sent home early from burnt retinas and following blindness. Jack might not be so pleased with that.
cooper_gwen
Jul. 30th, 2008 11:46 am (UTC)
Yellow is supposed to cheer you up!

Oh, all right, then. I won't wear it to work again, but what about pub outings and the like?
cocky_cockney
Jul. 30th, 2008 11:49 am (UTC)
Well, wearing it for outings is definitely one way to make sure I don't go anywhere near you. Good way to avoid me, I suppose.
cooper_gwen
Jul. 30th, 2008 12:38 pm (UTC)
Well, we wouldn't want that to happen. Fine then, I'll put it back to from whence it came.
cocky_cockney
Jul. 30th, 2008 05:18 pm (UTC)
Good girl. :D
rowanlost
Jul. 31st, 2008 02:00 am (UTC)
We did not interact much during the time of our transformations, Cooper, but some of my thoughts were...

Well.

I know that we were all under the influence of something which made us function very much unlike out normal parameters. I am sorry that you all had to go through this. It seems I was spared a fair portion due to being rendered unconscious before I could venture into mischief.

I seriously doubt that anyone will consider your behaviour during this period that of your usual self.


I cannot seem to write coherently. My apologies. I am sure you understand my meaning.
cooper_gwen
Jul. 31st, 2008 12:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you. Come to think of it, it's probably better we didn't interact during our changes. As you know, I... wasn't a very likeable person at the time. And I'm sorry as well. Looks like almost all of us hurt those we love the most. It's a hard thing to come to terms with.

No worries, Rowan. You are perfectly understandable. After all, your transformation must have had quite an impact on CUBE.
rowanlost
Aug. 1st, 2008 11:22 pm (UTC)
It is definitely better, yes. There is no question. I was... thinking rather violent and sexual thoughts, and it would have been very... difficult should anything have transpired.

Thank you. I would not have fared as well without CUBE, though his experiences must have been... quite something.
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )